


Now We Are Free

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Altered Mental States, Angst, M/M, Murder, Revenge, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 06:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14688063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “Shut up, Ryosuke. I don’t care about your excuses, I don’t care what’s happened and why you’ve been such an idiot. You’ve made a mistake, and now I’m the one who’s got to fix it, you do realize it, don’t you?”





	Now We Are Free

Yamada cried, crouched on the bed.

He cried, and cried, and cried.

It seemed like he had done nothing else during these past few hours.

Hikaru wasn’t sitting far from him, close to the window, alternating his gaze from the boy to the night view beyond the glass.

“Hikka...” he murmured, for what felt like the millionth time.

And for the millionth time the other shut him up with a harsh motion of his hand, without wasting a word on him.

Ryosuke wished he could’ve left.

He didn’t like the atmosphere in that house, he never had.

It was like it reflected all the sadness Hikaru felt, it was gloomy. And, right now, it scared him almost as much as the boy in front of him.

“I’m sorry Hikaru, I know I should’ve done it as you had asked, but I...”

“Shut up!” the other yelled, his lips thin and his eyes on fire. He stood up, then went toward him and grabbed his shirt’s collar. “Shut up, Ryosuke. I don’t care about your excuses, I don’t care what’s happened and why you’ve been such an idiot. You’ve made a mistake, and now I’m the one who’s got to fix it, you do realize it, don’t you?” he hissed, and Yamada caught a glimpse of madness in his eyes, a rage so blind that he didn’t dare to talk back.

So he nodded, scared, brushing his hand over his slightly wounded skin after Yaotome had let him go.

He went back to cry in that corner of the bed where he had been left, still wondering how he had ended up in that crazy situation.

He remembered the pain he had felt months before when Yuri had broken up with him. He remembered he had cried then too, even though those had been very different tears, and he remembered he had hated both Yuri and Yuya from the bottom of his heart.

He had been furious, rage and pain blinding him for what they had done, and he had felt irremediably betrayed and alone.

Until he had vented with Hikaru, almost by chance, discovering the very same pain in him.

The elder talked and talked, about Yuya and what he had done, he talked about Chinen and how much he hated him, and how them being together had made him feel abandoned, without a chance to escape that suffocating feeling.

And Yamada had stared at him, for those were the exact same things he felt, and finding in Hikaru a pain that mirrored his own had made him feel better.

They had started meeting more and more often.

A few times they had always ended up in bed together, with no passion nor sentiment, just to lash out their pain and they loneliness in sex, one on the other’s body.

Then the sharp pain had disappeared, it had become latent, and so had the hope to see Yuya and Yuri unhappy together.

They weren’t, on the contrary.

They seemed to live into their own world, they looked at each other in ways nor Yamada nor Hikaru had never known.

And then it had arrived the time to rationalize and decide what to do with what was left of them, and with that hatred, and with that anger.

Yamada bit his lip.

He should’ve told Hikaru it was madness straight away, but he hadn’t.

What the other had suggested had seemed so alluring, so beautiful, that he had kept the pieces of his shredded conscience quiet and had agreed.

Until the moment to act had come.

He was at Yuya’s place, looking at him cry, and he couldn’t do it.

He had let the knife he had brought along in his bag and had hugged him, crying with him, and all the hate had disappeared.

It had been just a few hours before, then he had gone to Hikaru’s, and the elder hadn’t let him out anymore.

When he had told him Yuya was still alive, Yaotome’s anger had become clear madness, and he had been terrorized by it.

He brought his hand to his lips, finding fresh stains of blood there where he had hit him.

His stomach hurt for the bruises from the kicks, his face from the slaps and the punches.

His words had hurt too, but that didn’t matter, because Yamada knew already what his guilt was, how much of a coward he had been.

But he had just changed his mind, and he wasn’t going to stain his hands with blood just to avoid repercussions.

And now all he could do was cry.

Cry for Yuya’s pain. Cry for his own fate.

Cry because he had followed Hikaru in that madness, and his pain wasn’t gone yet.

Instead, if possible, it had grown, it had taken roots in him like something that was never going to go away, which didn’t leave him room to breathe.

Hikaru had started walking through the room again, shaking his head.

“It was perfect, Ryo. Everything was perfect.” he murmured, low, then he looked at him. “I thought you realized that too, that you understood we couldn’t just sit and watch anymore. I wanted to see how much you would've taken in silence. And at the end you were ready, your hatred for them was ready.” he sat next to him, caressing his face, hurting him. “You just needed to do your part, and it would've all been over. We could’ve been happy, you and I. We could’ve...”

Yamada didn’t let him finish.

He was delusional, he couldn’t be clear-headed.

“We could’ve what, Hikaru? We couldn’t be happy, because I don’t love you and you don’t love me. We loved two different people, we’ve been left alone and we’ve wallowed in each other’s grudges, but ending their lives wasn’t going to make us forget them, it would've just made us dirty with their blood.” he yelled, without worrying about consequences that couldn’t be any worse now.

Hikaru stayed apparently calm.

He leant toward the nightstand, grabbing a knife, and Ryo knew it was over.

“It’s the same with which I’ve killed Yuri.” Hikaru murmured, licking his lower lip. “The same with which I’ve killed Yuri for you, Ryosuke.” he added.

Ryosuke wished he could’ve covered his ears, so that he wasn’t going to be forced to hear.

He wished he could forget Yuri was dead, that he had died because of him and the crazy anger he harboured in his heart.

He wanted Hikaru to get this over with and kill him, because he didn’t want to hear anything else.

It lasted a split second, and he could do nothing to avoid it.

The elder kept a steady hold on the knife, bringing it to his own stomach and pushing.

And Ryosuke screamed.

And, like that, it was over.

There was nothing left to do, nothing left to save.

And in the end, he hadn't managed to avoid it.

In the end, he was stained with blood.


End file.
